Discipline

I am embarrassed that as excited as I had been about blogging, I have not written anything since my first entry. Granted, there have been a lot of things going on in my life but I realize that discipline is needed ... especially if I want to make something of this (not that I am sure what would or could be made of it, but just the same, I need to discipline myself better).

So, while I am speaking of disciplining myself to write more, I will make this next entry about disciplining children. I am not one of those "Spare the rod, spoil the child" types who feels that it is necessary to place a fear in children in order to get them to listen but I do feel it is important to discipline a child so they can learn right from wrong. Also, it is important for the child to realize that the entire world does not revolve around them so they learn to respect others and also learn to respect the property of others.

I remember when I was pregnant (many years ago), my husband and I were shopping in a large toy store. We were waiting in line to make our purchase behind a woman with a child about the age of 2 years. The store had all sorts of goodies next to the registers for those people in line to suddenly realize they wanted or needed a few last-minute items. Well, the child in front of us, with all the willpower any toddler has, decided he wanted something. He picked it up and gave it to Mommy. Mommy looked at it and said, "Isn't that nice." She then put it back on the shelf, much to the chagrin of the little boy. He again picked it up and this time put it onto the conveyor belt of the register. His mother again put it back on the shelf, this time with a slight, "No, honey, not now." Well, that ended the child's patience. He started screaming and kicking and crying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy. I want, I want, I want." His mother, by this time, was trying to pay for the items she had purchased and decided that picking up the child would help. It didn't. Instead, he was now hitting his mother while he was screaming. This is when things really took a turn for the worse. I guess Mom had forgotten she was dealing with a child and, for some reason, thought the wild thing in her arms had a great sense of reasoning. She told him, "We will come back tomorrow and buy it for you." Parenting Rule #1 ~ Don't lie to your child ... he knows it's a lie! The little boy continued to hit his mother, screaming even louder now that he wanted the item (and he wanted it NOW). Well, the mom decided that she should explain to the toddler why he was not going to get it. "Honey, the lady already rang up my credit card and we can't add it. See? Mommy already signed the credit card slip." Parenting Rule #2 ~ Don't overestimate your child's knowledge or capacity to reason. Now, I'm not saying this child was not a genius but, come on! He is only 2 or 3 years old ... I seriously doubt that he 1) knows what a credit card is; 2) understands the entire economic concept of buying; or 3) really cares what Mommy is talking about at this point. He wanted the item and that was that! Well, guess what? Mom purchased the item for the little boy and, just as suddenly as he had started crying, he stopped. Now, as I mentioned, I was pregnant at that time, so all I could think was, "Oh, my ... please don't let this little kicker in my stomach hear this and think this is what babies are supposed to do!" I have to admit that I wasn't really sure at that time how the mother could have calmed her child down but I did know that I would not have purchased that item, nor would I have tried the whole credit card explanation.

After my son was born, I learned that it is possible to discipline your child gently and to teach him or her right from wrong. My son knew by looking at me whether he could touch or have something. Even if we were at someone else's home and that person offered him something, he would look to me first to see if he could accept it. Yet, he was never intimidated by me and did not fear me. Of course, as with almost any child, there were times he would test his boundaries. But he somehow knew that I would not allow anything to hurt him so, if I said "no" to something, there must be a good reason. I think the biggest thing to remember when disciplining a child is that love can teach more than yelling, hitting or screaming. I don't think my son ever doubted that I love him (although I am pretty sure he has no idea how much I love him) and I think, even though a child may not understand why a parent may say "no," if the child is shown he is loved, he will know that the parent is making a good decision somehow, even though it is probably not the decision the child wants.

In my line of work as a theater manager, I often see children come in completely undisciplined. The parents are there physically but mentally, they seem to be off somewhere else, completely unaware that their child is there and in need of some attention. I have seen children running around, jumping on chairs, hitting the arcade games and knocking over standees. They "skate" through the lobby and out into the parking lot and if I say something to them, they stare at me blankly as if there is no reason for them to listen to me. I usually say something like, "Please don't skate in the lobby" or "No, no, sweetie - please don't knock that over" and keep my voice calm but the defiance in the eyes of some of these children is just amazing. What really strikes me is when the theater is busy with people wandering around, looking for their auditorium, going to the bar or concession stand, there are still children running around ALONE, with no parental guidance at all! I would be scared to death to let my child out of my sight when there are so many others milling about. Yet, I see it done often.

Ultimately, I guess this blog has shown me that my problem is that I can be very good at disciplining others but, when it comes down to disciplining myself to write ... well, that's another story. (sigh)